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It's the Girl Scouts, only sponsored by your local evangelical church: uniforms, merit badges — and lots of talk about Jesus' edict to "go and make disciples of all nations."
It's a rite of passage for many Christian girls.
It is not, however, something that ought to financed with public money. Obviously.
But public dough is exactly what's underwriting the Missionettes at one Phoenix church. Last March, the Maricopa County Attorney's Office wrote a $5,000 check to support the Missionettes at Abundant Living Center.
Do not be mistaken, readers. This was not a personal check from County Attorney Andrew Thomas. (That would be okay.) Nor did it come from Thomas' campaign coffers. (Also okay, although kind of weird.)
No, the office financed the donation with RICO funds — money seized from illegal enterprises and granted to law enforcement for four purposes: racketeering investigations, gang prevention, substance abuse programs, and substance abuse education.
RICO strictures come straight from the U.S. Department of Justice. And I can assure you that Justice hasn't added any provisions saying that it's cool to give RICO moneys to churches instead.
In fact, the expenditure is clearly illegal — a clear violation of the separation of church and state outlined in the Constitution.
And the Missionettes are only the tip of the iceberg.
I reviewed RICO fund expenditures by Thomas' office during his tenure and found $168,000 in earmarks for church-based programs and Christian ministries — many of them blatantly focused on converting people to Christ.
Many of the ministries in question don't focus even indirectly on gangs or substance abuse. That means they don't fit Justice Department requirements. And some of the ones that do deal with substance abuse issues are "Bible-based" programs — meaning they are not eligible for public money. Period.
If anyone should understand the law, it's the county's top prosecutor. But records show that at least two of his staffers signed off on the payments — one of them Phil MacDonnell, Thomas' top aide. (Thomas' office declined comment.)
And that's not all.
I originally asked to see the county attorney's RICO records because I was curious about all the public service campaigns his office has been running. Every time I turn on the TV, there's Thomas, giving parents helpful tips or telling kids to stay off drugs.
Those spots are funded with RICO money. I found records showing that, during Thomas' tenure, the office has spent $2 million on TV ads, radio spots, and billboards.
Unlike the giveaway to Christian programs, that's legal. But something I found in the records makes me question whether Thomas is more interested in stopping drug use — or promoting himself.
Ever notice how the ads focus on Thomas, rather than the sort of local celebrity (Randy Johnson, Brandon Webb) who might actually have sway over kids? There's a reason for that.
The ad agency Thomas hired to shoot the commercials is the very same company that produces his campaign commercials.
They're "selling" Thomas, just as they did during his two previous runs for office — only this time, they're doing it with public money.
Nobody official monitors RICO spending. Like other law enforcement agencies in Arizona, the county attorney has to turn in only big-picture data to the Arizona Criminal Justice Commission for each quarter's spending. No line items are included.
When I requested a list of the office's RICO fund projects, it took five months and a strongly worded letter from New Times' attorney to get them. Even then, I didn't get a nice organized spreadsheet: We're talking a giant pile of invoices. So all numbers in this column come from my calculations, after five hours of note-taking and another two hours of basic math.
But the most disturbing things in the records don't require a calculator to understand.
Chief among them? Thomas' earmarks to Christian organizations that clearly intend to use the funds for proselytizing on Jesus' behalf.
In addition to the Missionettes, the earmarks include:
• $15,000 for a Mesa church called the Eagles Wing Faith Center, in part to "develop a new program to expand their outreach by implementing a family resource center."
• $7,500 for the Phoenix Metro Master's Commission, an organization that sponsors a nine-month "discipleship-training program dedicated to making Disciples of Christ," according to its Web site.
• $5,000 for a "Christ-centered 12-step recovery ministry" at Covenant of Grace Church in Phoenix.
• $20,000 for Teen Challenge of Arizona, an organization affiliated with prominent evangelical minister David Wilkerson.
• $23,000 for the Roman Catholic Diocese's mentoring program for kids with parents in jail.
• $5,000 for the AsSalt arena tour — actor Stephen Baldwin's attempt to reach skater kids and bikers with the Gospel.
As best I could tell, there were no grants to religious groups other than Christian ones. And grants to secular groups seemed few and far between.
Eugene Volokh is a professor at the UCLA School of Law who writes about school choice and First Amendment issues. He says that Thomas' office is "absolutely in trouble" if it prefers one type of faith-based group over another, or if they prefer faith-based groups to secular ones.